"I’m just gonna shoot him in the leg."
Description: Bruce Willis as Harry Stamper, an overly-protective father in the motion picture Armageddon (1998).
Harry Stamper is a hard-boiled, get-it-done oil rig operator. His daughter Grace (Liv Tyler) is all grown up but Harry still thinks of her as his little girl. So, when Harry discovers that one of his best oil rig workers A. J. Frost (Ben Affleck) is sleeping with Grace, he grabs a gun and proceeds to chase A. J. around the oil rig platform.
Coworker Charles “Chick” Chapple (Will Patton) tries to reason with Harry by reminding him that right before AJ’s dad died, he told you to “take care of his son. I don’t think shooting him is taking care of him.” Harry counters, “I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna shoot him in the leg. He can still work with one leg. Remember that one guy who worked all those years with one arm?” To which Chick replies, “Yep, but he wasn’t very good.”
Shortly after the incident with the gun, Harry is approached by Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton), the executive director of NASA to assist the world in a project to save mankind. Apparently, there is an asteroid the size of Texas heading toward earth. If it hits the planet, it will be what some call an "extinction event."
|President:||We didn't see this thing coming?|
|Dan:||Well, our object collision budget's a million dollars. That allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg'n your pardon sir, but it's a big-ass sky.|
Harry, an expert in deep-sea drilling, accepts the job and hand picks a crew of trusted oil workers to travel to space. Their mission: to drill 800 feet into the asteroid and implant a nuclear device whose explosion will break asteroid into two parts that will pass safely past the earth.
Unfortunately, the asteroid will hit the earth in 18 days, so its a race to save humanity, especially his daughter, Grace. As Colonel William "Willie" Sharp (William Fichtner) tells Harry, "United States astronauts train for years. You have twelve days."
|General Kimsey:||If you're trying to make me feel better about this scenario, give it up.|
|Truman:||To tell you the truth, I'm kind of encouraged. This guy Chick here was an Air Force commando for six years.|
|General Kimsey:||We got robbery, assault, arrest, resisting arrest. We got a collection agent for the mob. Two of these guys have done serious time.|
|Truman:||Look, they're the best at what they do.|
|General Kimsey:||So am I. And I'm not so optimistic. We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense. And here we are. The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.|
Harry is the leader of the Freedom team shuttle. His crew includes:
- Charles "Chick" Chappel: Harry's best friend and drill team member.
- "Rockhound" (Steve Buscemi): Geologist. "I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12, big deal. Published at 19, so what. I got a double doctorate from MIT at 22, Chemistry and Geology. I taught at Princeton for two and a half years."
- Colonel Willie Sharp: Senior Commander of Mission.
- Max Lennert (Ken Hudson Campbell): Team operator of the Armadillo drill unit.
- Jennifer Watts (Jessica Steen): Shuttle pilot
- Gruber (Grayson McCough): Munitions specialist.
Grace's fiancé, A. J. Frost is the leader and Armadillo operator of shuttle Independence drill team. His crew includes:
- J. Otis "Bear" Kurleenbear( Michael Clarke Duncan): Drill team member.
- Oscar Choice (Owen Wilson): Geologist.
- Freddy Noonan (Clark Heathcliffe Brolly): Member of drill team.
- Colonel Davis ( Marshall R. Teague): Commander.
- Captain Tucke (Anthony Guiderar): Shuttle pilot.
- Lt. Halsey (Greg Collins): Munitions specialist.
|Oscar:||Ok, Mr. Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this. What's it gonna be like up there?|
|Truman:||200 degrees in the sunlight, minus 200 in the shade, canyons of razor-sharp rock, unpredictable gravitational conditions, unexpected eruptions, things like that.|
|Oscar:||Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks. That's all you gotta say, scariest environment imaginable. [Note: After stepping onto the asteroid, Rockhound says "This place is like Dr. Seuss's worst nightmare!"|
As Harry is filled in on the situation, Dan Truman explains the following:
"Both shuttles will take off Tuesday at 6:30pm. Now, 67 minutes later, you're gonna dock with the Russian Space Station to meet cosmonaut Andropov, who will refuel the shuttles with liquid O2 - that's your fuel - then you'll release and take a 60 hour trip toward the moon. Now we only have one shot of landing on this rock, and that's precisely when the asteroid passes by the moon. You'll then use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters, slingshotting you around the moon, coming up behind the asteroid. You'll be upward of 11 G's." - Dan Truman of NASA
Although Harry and his crew agree to save earth, they feel their service is worth something and so he presents his demands to NASA.
- Oscar wants his "fifty-six outstanding tickets (in seven states) expunged.
- Noonan wants citizenship papers for two of his women friends.
- Max would like the government to bring back eight-track tapes.
- Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. And the answer to a question: "You guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?"
- Bear would like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House for the summer.
- And all of the group never wants to pay taxes again...ever.
As the team prepares for take off in the shuttle, Rockhound comments, "You know we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?"
In the end, the mission is a success but it is not without its tragedies, including the destruction of the Russian space station, the crash landing of shuttle Independence, the destruction of drilling equipment, and the death of a number of crew members.
One of the casualties is Harry Stamper who stayed behind to detonate the bomb when the auto-detonation failed. Harry took the place of A.J who was originally designated to set off the nuclear device.
In a tear-filled farewell, Harry says, "You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job. Always thought of you as a son. Always. But, I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace...I love you boy...Bye, son"
Note: The asteroid was discover by Karl (John Mahon), a retired navy man. When it came time to name the asteroid, Karl asks NASA executive Dan Truman, "I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape."
"So, when the rogue comet hit the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us. For the next 15 days, the Earth's in a shooting gallery. Even if the asteroid itself hits the water, it's still hitting land. It'll flash boil millions of galleons of sea water and slam into the ocean bedrock. Now if it's a Pacific Ocean impact, which we think it will be, it'll create a tidal wave 3 miles high, travel at a thousand miles an hour, covering California, and washing up in Denver. Japan's gone, Australia's wiped out. Half the world's population will be incinerated by the heat blast, and the rest will freeze to death from nuclear winter." - Dan Truman. NASA
Before the oil rig workers go to space, they take a night off for R&R at a strip club. When a burly biker type confronts Rockhound (who borrowed $100,000 from a loan shark to spend on booze and strippers, figuring he will never have to pay it back ) he throws a 100 dollar bill at the guy, and says, " Here, you can buy yourself a neck." When a Little Guy in the bar is assaulted, he says, "If I wasn't a Christian, I'd be throwing your fat, pineapple eatin' ass through the window!" He then shouts, "Someone dial 911!"