"Jethro, your head is emptier than last year’s bird nest. If your head was filled with dynamite, you wouldn’t know how to blow your nose."
Description: Cloris Leachman as Granny Clampett insults her goofy nephew Jethro Bodine (Diedrich Bader) in the motion picture The Beverly Hillbillies (1993).
Jethro and Daisy Mae "Granny" Moses live in a rustic cabin in the Ozark mountains of Arkansas. One day, however, their lives change when family patriarch, Jed Clampett (Jim Varney) goes hunting for some food. As he takes a shot at an animal, the bullet from his rifle penetrates the ground and "up from the ground comes a bubblin' crude...black gold, Texas tea." Soon after, oil companies bid for the resources beneath their land and Jed and his family become billionaires over night.
Looking for a better life for her son, Jethro's mother Aunt Pearl (Linda Carlson) advises Jed to move to "Californy" where they have "swimming pools" and "movies stars." So, Jed loads up his truck and moves to Beverly Hills, California with his daughter, Elly May, Jethro and Granny.
As they drive into Beverly Hills, an angry motorist flips them the bird. "Now why you suppose he's doing that?" asks Jed. Jethro replies, "I reckon that's how people wave hello in Beverly Hills." As a motorist yells, "Hey, you cut us off!" and pulls out a revolver, Jed pulls out his shot gun, and says, "That's real nice. This here's what I carry." Of course, the guy sped off lickety-split.
When Elly May says, "I hear they got smog." Her Granny asks, "What's a smog?" Jethro who "grad-ge-ated" the sixth grade in only three years, answers, "I reckon' it's a small hog." And when they come upon a dead animal in the street, Granny scoops it up, as Jed says, "Road kill stew sounds mighty good right now."
"Elly May! Don't spit from a moving vehicle. Wait till it's stopped."
The Clampetts move into a luxurious mansion courtesy of banker Milburn Drysdale (Dabney Coleman) who as the old saying goes, "Keep you friends close, and you enemies closer."
In Drysdale's case, he did not want to make an enemy of Jed Clampett and lose his billion dollar account at the Commerce Bank of Beverly Hills where Milburn is the President with Miss Jane Hathaway (Lily Tolling) as his most efficient secretary.
|Hathaway:||I must say it's inspirational how you found a place for the Clampetts right next door to your own.|
|Drysdale:||The people who lived there were my best friends and neighbors for over 20 years. I'm really going to miss them.|
|Hathaway:||It's a shame they had to file for bankruptcy and had to sell the place.|
|Drysdale:||I know. I'd hate to think that my phone call to the IRS had anything to do with it.|
As the Clampetts learn to adjust to the big city, Jethro is introduced to the game of bowling. Using all the brain power in that hillbilly head of his, this naive county bumpkin stumbles upon a theory to explain all of those black balls and white pins .
"I've finally figured this game out, Spanky (Elly May's pet Orangutan). You take this here ball, put it in this here gully, and let it roll down yonder. Then you hurl yourself down this here slippery gully and see how many of them there snake bashing clubs you can knock down before the ball gets there."
The Clampetts slowly adapt to their surroundings and then one day Jed Clampett reckons it's time to find a wife, but he is taken in by a lovely, sweet smelling con-artist lady (Lea Thompson) who wants Jed for his money alone and so she sets about to steal it via a computer wire transfer on their wedding day. Luckily, with the help of Granny and Miss Jane Hathaway the plot to steal the family's money is foiled.
Well now its time to say good-bye to Jed and all his kin.
And they would like to thank you folks fear kindly dropping in.
You're all invited back again to this locality
To have a heaping helping of their hospitality
Hillbilly that is. Set a spell. Take your shoes off.
Y' all come back now, y'hear?
Note: In the original TV series, THE BEVERLY HILLBILLIES/CBS/1962-1971, Jethro's uncle Jed Clampett (Buddy Ebsen) says of his nephew, “If brains were lard, his wouldn't grease too big a pan.” And commenting on the attractiveness of a female, Jed remarks, “You could throw her into the pond and skim ugly for a month.”
In the motion picture American Graffiti (1973) Mackenzie Phillips as Carol says to her friend, “If brains were dynamite, you could’t blow your nose.”
In the motion picture The Last American Hero aka Hard Driver (1973) Jeff Bridges as Earl Jackson, Jr., a North Carolina moon shiner says, "If you had gas for brains, you couldn’t back a piss-ant out of a pea shell.”