"Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."
Description: Rodney Dangerfield as Al Czervik, a rude, loud-mouthed millionaire insults a member of the country club in the motion picture Caddyshack (1980).
Obnoxious Al Czervik wants to turn the exclusive Bushwood Country Club/Golf Course into a new property development, but blue-blood Judge Elihu Smails (Ted Knight), the president/owner of the club doesn't like the idea. And so the battle of the Snobs vs. the Snobs begins. In the end, Czervik bests the Judge at the climax of the Bushwood golf tournament.
|Al Czervik:||Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh? [Al sees Judge Smails wearing the same hat] Oh, it looks good on you though.|
|Al Czervik:||Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ball game, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.|
|Al Czervik:||"Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."|
|Al Czervik:||"You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?"|
|Al Czervik:||"He called me a baboon, he thinks I'm his wife."|
As Czervik and Smalls endeavor to prove who is the best, Danny Noonan (Michael O'Keefe), the main character of the movie and working-class caddy at the course attempts to raise money to go to college, and tries to win the favor of the Judge and a caddy scholarship offered by his country club.
|Judge Smails:||Do you know what I just saw? A gopher. Do you know what gophers can do to a golf course?|
|Groundskeeper Sandy:||Aye, Sir. I think they're tunneling in from that construction site.|
|Judge Smails:||Czervik, huh. Well, I slap an injunction on them so fast it'll make their head spin.|
To eliminate the gopher problem, Groundskeeper Sandy orders Assistant Greenskeeper Carl Spackler (Bill Murray) to rid the golf course of the brown furry vermin, shouting "I want you to kill every gopher on the course." The moronic Carl replies, "Check me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key." Sandy screams, "GOPHERS, ya great git! The gophers!, the little brown furry rodents!" Finally receiving the message, Carl answers, "We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason."
As he unsuccessfully battles the gophers, Carl contemplates: "I have to laugh, because I've outsmarted even myself. My enemy, my foe, is an animal. In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal. And, whenever possible, to look like one. I've gotta get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days."
|Carl Spackler:||License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.|
|Carl Spackler:||I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.|
|Carl Spackler:||In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'. [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel]|
Carl's solution to rid the Bushwood golf course of gophers is to place explosives in all of the holes and detonate the charges with a plunger. The end result: The destruction of the country club golf course greens.
Luckily, the explosive vibrations knock the winning ball into the cup and Al wins an $80,000 bet from Judge Smails who refuses to pay, so Al has two goons shake him down for the dough. ("Hey Moose! Rocko! Help the Judge find his checkbook!")
With his $80,000 on the way, Al confidently shouts, "Hey, Everybody we all gonna get laid!"
Note: Here are a few more insults from the movie Caddyshack (1980):
|Lacey Underall:||Who's you decorator? Bennihana?|
|Ty Webb:||No, I brought most of that stuff back with me from Vietnam.|
|Lacey Underall:||You were in the war?|
|Ty Webb:||[limping and patting his butt] No... Homo.|
|Lacey Underall:||My uncle says you've got a screw loose.|
|Ty Webb:||Your uncle molests collies.|
|Lou Loomis:||I'm going to put it right on the line. There's been a lot of complaints already. Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying. If you guys want to get fired. If you want to be replaced by golf carts, just keep it up.|
In the less successful sequel Caddyshack II (1988) a crass real estate tycoon named Jack Hartounian (Jackie Mason) is refused membership to Bushwood county club. To get even, he buys the place and turns it into an golf-styled amusement park.
As in the original movie, the film culminates with a golf match designed to end a dispute involving Jack wanting to build a low-income housing on the Bushwood property that is located in an upscale neighborhood. Of course, the gophers once again play a role in the plot as they steal explosive golf balls meant for Jack, thus, Jack wins the match and retains control of Bushwood.
|Peter Blunt:||Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chippendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?|
|Kate Hartounian:||Miffy, you are a stupid, superficial, snotty, little bitch.|
|Cynthia Young:||Oh, shut up, Mary Frances, you spoiled, snotty, superficial, little bitch!|