Black SplatCity Slickers (1991)

"Hi, Curly. Kill anybody today?"

City Slickers - Mitch on the Cattle Drive

Description: Tenderfoot Mitch Robbins (Billy Crystal) jokes with gruff trail boss Curly (Jack Palance) during a cattle drive in the western comedy film City Slickers (1991). Curly menacingly replies, “Day ain’t over yet.”

Mitch is a big-city radio ads salesman going through a mid life crisis. On his 39th birthday celebration, his best friends Phil Berquist (Daniel Stern) and Ed Furillo (Bruno Kirby) suggest they get away for two-weeks to experience a genuine old-fashioned cattle drive sponsored by a New Mexico dude ranch. At first, Mitch is reluctant, but his wife urges him to take the wild west holiday.

Upon their arrival, they met a real life cowboy named Curly, of whom Mitch exclaims "That is toughest man I have ever seen in my life. Do you see how leathery he was. He was like a saddlebag with eyes."

Ed Furillo: This guy, Curly, is a true cowboy. One of the last real men. He's untamed, a mustang. It'll do us good to be in his world for a while. [Curly approaches from behind]
Mitch Robbins: Do us good? Didn't you guys see? The man was hanging the hired help! And, did you notice his eyes? He has crazy eyes. He's a lunatic! We are going into the wilderness being led by a lunatic! [Mitch notices everyone's terrified faces] He's behind me, isn't he?

While moving a herd of cattle, the sound of Mitch's portable coffee grinder accidentally starts a stampede. After Curly diverts a disaster by firing his gun in the air to divert the marauding cattle, he and Mitch set out for find some stray cows.

"Rollin', rollin', rollin', keep them doggies rollin', man my ass is swollen, Rawhide! Get 'em up, move 'em out, wake 'em up, get 'em dressed, get 'em shaved, comb their hair, Rawhide! Tie me down, tell me lies, pull my hair, smack my thighs - with a big wet strap of, Rawhide!" - Mitch Robbins

City Slickers - Curly threatens Mitch with knife

Toward the end of the day, Mitch, pulls out his harmonica and plays a tune, but Curly objects shouting "Put that away!" Tired of being pushed around, Mitch replies, "Hey you know, the first time I tried to talk to you, you embarrassed me. So I teased you a little bit which maybe I shouldn't have done, so I'm sorry. And now you're sitting over there playing with your knife, trying to frighten me - which you're doing a good job. But if you're gonna kill me, get on with it; if not, shut the hell up - I'm on vacation."

Despite Curly's guff manner, ("I crap bigger than you!"), Mitch slowly learns to appreciate the veteran cowpoke. At one point, Curly and Mitch come upon a cow that is in labor and the two set out to deliver the calf.

As Mitch pulls the calf from the mother's body, he looks over to Curly and says, "This wasn't in the brochure." But when the calf comes out, Mitch shouts, "I made a cow!" and promptly names the newborn calf "Norman."

Unfortunately, a short time later, Curly dies along the trail, leaving Mitch and his buddies to continue the cattle drive from New Mexico to Colorado. At Curly's funeral, Phil Berquist says "The man ate bacon at every can't do that!" Cookie (Tracey Walter), the trail cook offered this departing remark: "Lord, we give you Curly. Try not to piss him off."

In the end, Mitch and his friends manage to complete the trail drive. Clay Stone (Nobel Willingham), the owner of the dude ranch congratulates Mitch and his pals, and says, "When the three of you first got here, you were as worthless as hen shit on a pump handle. Now look at you; you're cowboys." As a souvenir of his vacation out west, Mitch brings home Norman the calf as a family pet.

In the sequel City Slickers II (1994), Mitch celebrates his 40th birthday and quite by chance discovers a treasure map in Curly's hat that contains clues to a hidden cache of gold belonging to Curly's father located in the desert of Arizona. With the help of his friend Phil and his brother, Glen (Jon Lovitz), Mitch sets out to discover the secret of Curly's gold.

To their surprise, they encounter Curly's twin brother, Duke ("I'm sorry we buried you, but you looked so dead!") who joins them on their quest. Duke turns out to be just as mean and cantankerous. When spoken to out of turn, Curly’s brother barks, “You ever talk to me like that again and I’ll turn your balls into earrings.” As they bond, Duke tells Mitch "My Ma died last year, she was 95. Stabbed in a bar fight."

The map leads Duke and the gang to a gold mine that is filled with fake gold,the mine being part of a tourist attraction. But Duke has a secret of his own. He finds the real gold buried not far from the fake mine. Showing Mitch a bar of real solid-gold, Duke cuts Mitch in on a share of the booty, saying, "It's got friends."

Note: On the topic of “balls,” here are some more zingers in regards to the man sack.

“You can end up with your balls in spaghetti sauce.” - Robert Hays as Buchinski the pimp to San Francicso cop ‘Dirty’ Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) in the movie The Enforcer (1976).

“If you fuck this up, I’m going to take your nuts and tie ‘em into a knot and run them through my shredder” - Earl Billings as police Captain Al Giles intimidates detectives Chris Leece (Richard Dreyfus) and Bill Reimers (Emilio Estevez) in the motion picture Stakeout (1987).

“I would grab your scrotum, I would stretch it over your head and I would use you as a punching bag” - Rosie O’Donnell as Lucille Toody informs her policeman husband Gunther (David Johansen) what she would do to him if she caught him cheating in the motion picture Car 54, Where Are You? (1994).

"What do I get if I give you your balls back, you wop cocksucker?" - LAPD detective Bud White (Russel Crowe) grabs mobster Johnny Stompanato by the testicles to get him to talk in the film L.A. Confidential (1997).

“You tell me where he is, and I’ll kill you quick. You can die without ever finding out what your left ball tastes like.” - Kris Kristofferson as Bronson to his son's kidnapper (Mel Gibson) in the film Payback (1999)

City Slickers - Movie Poster

City Slickers - Movie Poster

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