Black SplatClerks (1994)

"My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad."

Clerks - Dante Hicks  and Randal Graves

Description: Jeff Anderson as video store clerk Randal Graves in the motion picture Clerks (1994).

Randal Graves work at RST video store in Leonardo, New Jersey. His best friend Dante Hicks (Brian O'Hallaran) works next door at the Quick Stop convenience store.

Their jobs are crummy and each day they have to contend with a multitude of customers whose sole purpose in life is make them miserable, including Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin Smith), a pair of stoners who shoplift items from the store when the are not selling drugs to people outside.

"This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers." - Randal

Although Randal works next door, he spends much of the day hanging out with Dante and sharing such insightful comments as, "My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad."; "People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl 'Mom'."; "Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule."; and "I work in a shitty video store! I wanna go to a good video store so I can get a good movie!"

Meanwhile, Dante complains about his problems:

"I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages. Working on my day off, the goddamn steel shutters are closed, I deal with every backward ass fuck on the planet. I smell like shoe polish. My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy. And my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks."

When Randal Graves is actually working at his job at the video store, he carries out routine tasks like placing video tape orders on the phone.

Clerks - Randal on the phone

One of those time, a woman enter the store with her child and request help in finding the children’s video Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. Randal tells them, "Okay, hang on, I'm on the phone with the distribution house now, lemme make sure we got it. What was it called again?" The woman repeats the title of the kiddie video and then Randal continues on the phone: "Uh, yeah, hi. This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352, I'd like to place an order."

As the women waits patiently with her child, Randal nonchalantly orders the following tapes:

  • Whispers in the Wind
  • To Each His Own
  • Put It Where It Doesn't Belong
  • My Pipes Need Cleaning
  • All Tit-Fucking Volume 8
  • I Need Your Cock
  • Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers
  • My Cunt Needs Shafts
  • Cum Clean
  • Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts
  • Cum Buns III
  • Cumming in Socks
  • Cum On Eileen
  • Huge Black Cocks with Pearly White Cum
  • Girls Who Crave Cock
  • Girls Who Crave Cunt
  • Men Alone II
  • The KY Connection
  • Pink Pussy Lips
  • and, uh, oh yeah, All Holes Filled with Hard Cock

Without missing a beat, Randal finishes his list, looks up from the phone and again asks the woman who by now is totally aghast at what she has just heard, and says, "Uh-huh...yeah...Oh, wait, and, what was that (video) called again?"

At the end of the day, Dante is still complaining about his dead-end job and Randal who is sick and tired of hearing about Dante's problems tells him he needs to do something serious to change his life.

Note: In the sequel Clerks II (2006) , the Quick Stop convenience store burns down and Dante and Randal are now working at Mooby's fast food restaurant. Jay and Silent Bob relocate to Mooby's and sell drugs to the people outside (although they have sworn off doing drugs themselves, as they are now born again Christians after a stay in rehab following an arrest for dealing drugs).

Clerk II - Jay and Silent Bob ouside of Mooby's

"You know, sometimes I wish I did a little more with my life instead of hanging out in front of places selling weed and shit. Like, maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe an astronaut. Yeah. Like, be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy, or find a new alien lifeform... and fuck it. And people'd be like, "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a Martian once." - Jay

At the end of the film Jay and Silent Bob lend Dante and Randal money to rebuild the Quick Stop on the condition they can hang out in front of the store and you can't call the cops.

In the film Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001), the stoner characters Jay and Silent Bob set out to Hollywood to wreck a movie based on the comic 'Bluntman and Chronic' (inspired by Jay and Silent Bob) when they receive no profits from the deal. Before they go, they read a review that states "Any movie based on Jay and Silent Bob are gonna lick balls because they both, in fact. lick balls." Angry, Jay dictates as Silent Bob types this email message to Miramax Studios, the producers of the film.

“All you motherfuckers are gonna pay. You are the ones who are the ball-lickers. We're gonna fuck your mothers while you watch and cry like little whiny bitches. Once we get to Hollywood and find those Miramax fucks who are making that movie, we're gonna make 'em eat our shit, then shit out our shit, then eat their shit which is made up of our shit that we made 'em eat. Then all you motherfucks are next. Love, Jay and Silent Bob” [They send the email and Jay declares: "That will show those fucks."]

Clerks - Movie Poster

Clerks II - Movie Poster

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