"FUCK THE POOR!"
Description: The irreverent reply of the entire Roman Senate in the comedy spoof History of the World, Part 1 (1981).
The film chronicles historical periods from Prehistoric Man, The Old Testament, The Roman Empire, The Spanish Inquisition, The French Revolution.
The Old Testament:
|Moses:||The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...|
|[drops one of the tablets]|
|Moses:||Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!|
In the Roman Empire:
The Leader of Senate speaks to the assembled the Roman Senators and proclaims:
"All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?" The entire Senate replies: Fuck the Poor!"
|Comicus:||Have you heard of this new sect, the Christians? They are a laugh riot! First of all, they are so poor...|
|Swiftus:||How poor are they?|
|Comicus:||Thank you! They are so poor... that they only have *one* God!|
|[drumbeat, everyone laughs]|
|Comicus:||But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly.|
|Dole Office Clerk:||Occupation?|
|Dole Office Clerk:||Did you kill last week?|
|Dole Office Clerk:||Did you try to kill last week?|
|Dole Office Clerk:||Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?|
|Roman Officer:||Do you know the penalty for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?|
|[people in the crowd raise hands enthusiastically]|
|Roman Officer:||Ok, you... you had your hand up first.|
|Man in crowd:||Death by torture!|
|Roman Officer:||No... You?|
|Man in crowd:||Crucifixion!|
|Roman Officer:||Wrong! You?|
|Man in crowd:||They shove a living snake up your ass!|
|Roman Officer:||Ah, no... but that's very creative!|
|Stoned Soldier:||Do you care if it falls?|
|Stoned Soldier:||The Roman Empire?|
|Stoned Soldier:||[laughs] Fuck it!|
The Spanish Inquisition:
As we move forward to the Spanish Inquisition, we here the lamentation of a couple of jews shackeled in a dungeon.
|Jew #1:||I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight!|
|Jew #2:||I was sittin' flickin' chickens / And I'm looking through the pickins' / When suddenly these goys break down my walls / I didn't even know them / And they grab me by the scrotum / And they started playing ping-pong with my balls / Oy the agony / Oh the shame / To make your privates public for a game!|
The French Revolution:
|Count de Monet:||It is said that the people are revolting.|
|King Louis XVI:||You said it! They stink on ice!|