Black SplatHistory of the World: Part 1 (1981)


History of the World: Part 1 - Leader of the Senate

Description: The irreverent reply of the entire Roman Senate in the comedy spoof History of the World, Part 1 (1981).

The film chronicles historical periods from Prehistoric Man, The Old Testament, The Roman Empire, The Spanish Inquisition, The French Revolution.

The Old Testament:

Moses: The Lord, the Lord Jehovah has given unto you these fifteen...
  [drops one of the tablets]
Moses: Oy! Ten! Ten commandments for all to obey!

In the Roman Empire:

The Leader of Senate speaks to the assembled the Roman Senators and proclaims:

"All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?" The entire Senate replies: Fuck the Poor!"

History of the World: Part I - Senators say 'Fuck the Poor!'

Comicus: Have you heard of this new sect, the Christians? They are a laugh riot! First of all, they are so poor...
Swiftus: How poor are they?
Comicus: Thank you! They are so poor... that they only have *one* God!
  [drumbeat, everyone laughs]
Comicus: But we Romans are rich. We've got a lot of gods. We've got a god for everything. The only thing we don't have a god for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that's coming quickly.

Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Roman Gladiator: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Roman Gladiator: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Roman Gladiator: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?

Roman Officer: Do you know the penalty for a slave who strikes a Roman citizen?
  [people in the crowd raise hands enthusiastically]
Roman Officer: Ok, you... you had your hand up first.
Man in crowd: Death by torture!
Roman Officer: No... You?
Man in crowd: Crucifixion!
Roman Officer: Wrong! You?
Man in crowd: They shove a living snake up your ass!
Roman Officer: Ah, no... but that's very creative!

Stoned Soldier: Do you care if it falls?
Stoned Soldier: What?
Stoned Soldier: The Roman Empire?
Stoned Soldier: [laughs] Fuck it!

The Spanish Inquisition:

As we move forward to the Spanish Inquisition, we here the lamentation of a couple of jews shackeled in a dungeon.

History of the World: part 1 -Jews Tortured

Jew #1: I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight!
Jew #2: I was sittin' flickin' chickens / And I'm looking through the pickins' / When suddenly these goys break down my walls / I didn't even know them / And they grab me by the scrotum / And they started playing ping-pong with my balls / Oy the agony / Oh the shame / To make your privates public for a game!

The French Revolution:

Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice!

History of the World: Part I - Movie Poster

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