"One of these days, Alice...POW! right in the kisser!"
Description: One of the mean-spirited catchphrases used by Jackie Gleason in his role of blustery bus driver Ralph Kramden on the sitcom THE HONEYMOONERS/CBS/1955-56.
Ralph Kramden is a 42-years-old, 246 pounds bus driver for Gotham Bus Company [badge #2368]. He lives at 328 Chauncey Street New York, NY (Bensonhurst) with his homemaker wife Alice (Audrey Meadows).
When Ralph doesn't approve of something his wife, Alice (Audrey Meadows) says, he responds, “One of these days, Alice...POW! Right in the kisser!” or “BANG! ZOOM! Right to the Moon!” or “Alice, you’re askin’ for a knuckle sandwich.”
Alice however is no babe in the woods when it comes to put-downs. Once after Ralph burned himself, he asks, “Isn’t there any lard around her." Alice’s rejoinder: “Only about 300 pounds of it.”
Despite their bickering, both characters truly loved each other. At the end of each episode, Ralph apologizes for his behavior and says, “Baby, you’re the greatest!” Ralph often said, “I gotta B-i-i-i-g Mouth!” when he made of fool of himself with his wife or friends.
Here are some examples of insulting exchanges between Ralph, Alice, and their friends Trixie and Ed Norton.
Episode “A Women's Work Is Never Done” 10/22/1955
|Ralph:||You're goin’ to the moon, Alice. Right to the Moon!|
|Alice:||Yeah, and you’re just the blimp to take me!|
Episode “Better Living through TV” 11/12/95
|Ralph:||You’re askin’ for it, Alice. You’re really askin’ for it! and you’re gonna get it, too! I don’t know the exact minute, but before this night is over, you’re gonna get yours!|
|Alice:||Why don’t you shut up!|
|Ralph:||You have just picked the exact minute!|
|Alice:||Go ahead and hit me!|
|Ralph:||You’d like that, Alice. You’d really like me to belt you, wouldn’t you? Would you like a little belt, Alice? Would you like one?|
|Alice:||What are you waitin’ for?|
|Ralph:||I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction!|
Episode “Hello, Mom” 12/3/1955
|Trixie:||Do you want anything else at the store?|
|Alice:||You better get a pound of margarine, too.|
|Alice:||[Ralph enters] Maybe you won’t have to get the margarine, Trix. Four hundred pounds of lard just walked in!|
|Ralph:||You have just said the secret word, Alice. You have just won
your self a trip to the moon!
Episode “Unconventional Behavior” 5/12/56
|Ralph:||All Right, Norton. what could I do? I’m stuck with Alice.|
|Norton:||Well! At least, Alice ain’t no Trixie. Boy, what a
personality that girl’s got. She’s grumblin’ all the time.
Believe me, if the Marx Brothers had a sister, she’d be it
Some “Lost Episodes” fat jokes
|Ralph:||I wear the pants around this house.|
|Alice:||Believe me, your pants would fit around this house.|
|Ralph:||Trixie, if you were only my size.|
|Trixie:||If I was, I’d be the fat lady in the circus.|
|Ralph:|| All my life I wanted to be in sports...but I was a little too
heavy to be a jockey.
|Alice:||A little too heavy? You’re too fat to be a horse.|
|Ralph:||I’m a hero, Alice. A hero. Do you know what a hero is?|
|Alice:||Yeah:...it’s a fat sandwich that’s full of baloney.|