"I’m Gonna Git You Sucka"
Description: The threatening title of the hip spoof of 70s blaxploitation films, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988) starring Keenen Ivory Wayans.
The movie follows the adventures of Jack Spade, an army veteran who returns to "Any Ghetto, USA" only to learn that his younger brother, June Bug has died from O.G. (an overdose of gold chains).
To avenge his brother, Jack declares war on Mr. Big, a powerful white criminal (John Vernon) responsible for June Bug's "Gold Fever" and demise. And to top that off, Mr. Big wants $5000 or he will turn June Bug's widow, Cheryl (Dawnn Lewis) into a prostitute to pay off her husband's debt.
|Cheryl:||Jack, not too long after you left, June Bug started hanging out with a bad crowd. He even started selling drugs, Jack. And then things really got bad when he...|
|Jack Spade:||Well, what? Cheryl, come on!|
|Cheryl:||He started wearing gold chains, Jack.|
|Jack Spade:||Oh, God, no!|
|Cheryl:||It started out with just one or two, and it seem like every time he get some money he go and buy more gold chains. He was wearing hundreds of them, Jack, hundreds.|
|Jack Spade:||Not gold!|
|Cheryl:||Yes, Jack, gold chains and medallions and rings and even his teeth. Jack, you can't imagine what it was like...|
To take down Mr Big, and eliminate the gold chain trade from the streets of his neighborhood, Jack asks his childhood idol John Slade (Bernie Casey), a retired local hero and former crime fighter for help. At first, Slade refuses but then he changes his mind and begins to recruit other middle-aged 1970s black super heroes to battle Mr. Big.
Initially, Jack Spade sought help from Kalinga (Clarence Williams III), the leader of the People's Revolutionary Army ("Brothers United Against the Man") but Kalinga tells Jack he can't help. Disappointed Jack shouts, "Man, I heard the People's Revolutionary Army was a thousand strong, now what happened?" Kalinga leans forward, and says, "They got government jobs...You know that government office building on 21st street. We went down to take it over, but they were hiring that day. The brothers walked in with guns; and came out with jobs. The brothers weren't HIGH anymore. Yes, whitey is something else."
"Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin in Illinois. This poor white trash becomes President of the Unites States. Once in office, this white capitalist swine manipulated the freedom of the black man for his own political career. Then another piece of poor white trash shot him in the head. The End" (From a book report written by Kalinga's little white son)
While Jack agrees to gather the weapons they will need, John searches for an army of men to fight the battle. He decides to look up some old friends from the 1970s to fight the battle. His first visits two old buddies called Hammer (Isaac Hayes) and Slammer (Jim Brown), who now run a restaurant. Upon hearing Slade's proposal, Hammer confesses, "Slade, we ain't heroes no more, We're businessmen!" Looking around the room, Slade replies, "You two big motherfuckers in here cookin' red beans and grits - you call that business?" Dejected, Hammer concedes "Man, Slade, you really know how to piss on a man's parade."
To convince Slammer to help him on his mission of revenge. Slade says, "I'm talkin' about one last score. A chance to take it to the man, one more time. Are you with me?" Hammer asks Slammer "What about it?" and Slammer replies, "What the fuck; I ain't killed nobody in a lo-o-o-ng time." Although Slammer decides to help, when he meets Jack, he asks, "What makes him think he can become a black hero?" Jack replies, "I'm an ex-football player."
After recruiting Hammer and Slammer, Slade approaches a pimp named Flyguy (Antonio Vargas) who was once one of the biggest players in the city before Mr. Big put him behind bars. Now about to be released from jail, Flyguy decides it's time for a little payback and joins Slade's group of black vigilantes.
When Flyguy was on the streets he was voted "Pimp of the Year" at an annual Big Apple pimp competition. During the talent portion Flyguy offered up a poem entitled "The Bitch Better Have My Money". It reads: "My bitch better have my money/Through rain, sleet, or snow/My ho better have my money/Not half, not some, but all my cash/'Cause if she don't/I'm gonna put my foot in her ass."
The last to join the team is a black martial artist (à la "Jim Kelly") called Kung Fu Joe (Steve James) who idolizes Bruce Lee. When crooked cops pull over Kung Fu Joe and try to frame him with a bogus drug bust, he beats up the two officers. As reinforcements arrive, Joe laughs, and says, "So, it's just you 57 punks against KUNG FU JOE? Master of KARATE, KUNG FU, JIU-JITSU, and all of the shits you ain't never heard of! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" The police open fire, but a bloodied Joe escapes to warn his partners to watch out for an ambush, but all he gets is an answering machine.
Ready for action, Slade, Spade, Hammer, Slammer, Flyguy set out to disrupt Mr. Big's operations by stealing his customer's drugs, money and gold chains, raiding his nightclub "The Big Brim Bar" (where everyone wears big hats) that fronts as a whore house, and blowing up select downtown storefronts with fire bombs. Meanwhile, Mr. Big has kidnapped Cheryl and taken her to his hide out.
Jack's kick-ass, gun-toting Momma (Ja'net DuBois) wants in on the battle, but Jack locks her in a closet. He is tired of her fighting his fights and besides John Slade loves her and wants to keep her from harm.
As the group sets out to take down Mr. Big, Hammer is shot by his own guns, Slammer gets shot in the foot, and Slade is incapacitated. That leaves, Jack Spade to take up the slack. Pushing on, Jack finds Cheryl but one of Big's thugs gets the drop on them. Luckily Flyguy comes from behind and takes control of the situation, advising they should take the girl and leave. Suddenly, Flyguy is taken by surprise by Mr. Big who regains control.
"You guys can leave through the window or the stairs" - Mr. Big
Jack is surprised to find actor John Vernon in the role of crime lord, who then justifies his role in the film, saying, "What? Above playing an exploitation villain? Well, you're wrong. Lots of famous people have done exploitation films." Then Mr. Big and the rest in the room begin sharing their knowledge of other actors in such flicks, recalling Shelley Winter was in Cleopatra Jones; Angie Dickinson was in Big Bad Bad Momma; and Jamie Lee Curtis was in Halloween.
Concluding the movie trivia segment, Mr. Big says, "I'm sorry boys but there ain't gonna be sequel to this one" and points his gun to kill everyone. Just then John Slade arrives on the scene, and shouts, "Don't try it Big." As Mr. Big turns to fire, Slade shoots him dead. The guys capture Big's sidekick, but thinking he has the choice of either taking the stairs or the window, the crook who had already been thrown down too many stairs, decides to jump out the window.
In the end, Jack gets Cheryl and Slade get his Momma, with whom he has been in love for years.
NOTE: The theme song says it all: “I’m gonna git you sucka, you dirty mother...” (followed "Don't say that" and "Hold on, brother", a parody of the "Shut your mouth!" put-down from the 1971 movie Shaft starring Richard Roundtree).
In the film, Johh Slade, a retired crimefighter, hosted a "Youth Gang Competition." The events ("familiar to their environment") included black youths running to a finish line with a stolen TV sets on their shoulders while being pursued by doberman dogs, and a car stripping completion to see how long it takes to strip a car clean of its parts.
Every time someone looked at a photo of June Bug covered in gold chains, they always asked, "So how's he go to the bathroom with all this shit on?"