Black SplatMadtv (1995-2009)

"Baby, I wanna..."

MADtv - Funky Walker Dirty Talker

Description: The first words of every sexual come-on used by Desperation Lee (Phil Marr), the host of Funky Walker, Dirty Talker, a 1970s style talk show skit on Fox network’s MADtv in the 1990s.

Desperation Lee (“Smoother than Ex-Lax and twice as sexy”) sports an afro-hairdo and dresses in flowered disco shirts as he sweet-talks his female guests with such suggestive overtures as "Baby, I wanna...

  • “Open up your liquor cabinet and pour me a stiff one.”
  • “Look at your menu and order some ass-cargot.”
  • “Get out my telescope, so I can get a look at Uranus.”
  • “Whip out my hose and water your fresh cut lawn.”
  • “Make like the little Dutch boy and put my finger in your dike.”
  • “Put on one of those miners helmets and do some serious drilling.”
  • "Climb up your turn table and get stuck in your groove.”
  • “Make like Winnie the Pooh and get my nose stuck up in your honey jar.”
  • "Be some kind of astronaut, so I could get caught in your black hole.”

The program ends with Desperation Lee and his guests doing a “funky walk” as they strut off camera (to have sex). The music on the show is referred to as "baby making " music.

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