"I’m Lt. Frank Drebin, Police Squad. And don‘t ever let me catch you guys in America."
Description: - Leslie Nielsen as Lt. Frank Drebin sends a message to terrorists in the motion picture The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988).
At the beginning of this film, Lt. Drebin (in a fantasy sequence a la Rambo) crashes into a "terrorist Summit" filled with all the enemies of America.
Frank proceeds to beat up Russian Premier Gorbachev, Dictators Idi Amin, Fidel Castro, Yasser Arafat, Muammar al-Gaddafi, and Islamic leader Ayatollah Khomeini.
In the scene, Arafat wears a “Hello, My Name Is: Yasser” nametag and Qaddafi sports a button that reads “I lost 23 lbs, Ask Me How."
As Frank gives the bad guys a thrashing, he pokes and prods the Ayatollah (ala the Three Stooges), grabs Gorbechev's head and rubs off his famous birthmark, and tears off Khomeini's turban to reveal a red mohawk hairstyle beneath.
After kicking their asses, Frank warns, "I'm Lt. Frank Drebin, Police Squad. And don‘t ever let me catch you guys in America." Franks then leaves but not before hitting his head on window shutters and taking a pratfall.
Frank Drebin is an accident-prone Los Angeles detective working for a division known as Police Squad. Although incompetent, he always seems to stumble upon the evidence he needs to close a case.
As Lt. Frank Drebin speaks to the Mayor of Los Angeles (Nancy Marchand) she says, "Drebin, I don't want anymore trouble like you had last year on the South Side. Understand? That's my policy." Frank replies, "When I see five weirdoes stabbing a guy in broad daylight, I shoot the bastards. That’s my policy." Unfortunately the Mayor informs Drebin, “That was a Shakespeare in the Park production, of "Julius Caesar," you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones."
At a reception at the Ambassador Hotel, where Frank Drebin is assigned to protect Queen Elizabeth II from an assassination plot, Frank's keen instincts come into play as he jumps on top of the Queen of England, placing Her Majesty in a very compromising position.
"Protecting the Queen's safety is a task that is gladly accepted by Police Squad. No matter how silly the idea of having a queen might be to us, as Americans, we must be gracious and considerate hosts." - Frank Drebin
Wealthy businessman Vincent Ludwig (Ricardo Montalban), is the man behind the plot to kill the queen, He is using mind control to make a brainwashed baseball player kill the queen at the click of a remote control. Ludwig works for a master criminal called "Papsmer" (
"I promise you; whatever scum did this, not one man on this force will rest one minute until he's behind bars. Now, let's grab a bite to eat." - Frank Drebin
In the end, with the help of Ludwig's assistant Jane Spencer (Priscilla Presley) who is now Frank's lover, Drebin defeats Ludwig who falls from a baseball stadium, and then is run over by a bus, a steam roller, and finally the USC Trojan Marching Band.
"It's true what they say. Cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano: Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside." - Frank Drebin
Note: The phrase “When I see five weirdoes stabbing a guy in broad daylight, I shoot the bastards. That’s my policy” is a parody of the line used by Clint Eastwood in the movie Dirty Harry (1971), when Harry tells the Mayor, "Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bastard. That's my policy."
The following quotes are spoken by Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun sequel movies:
The Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)
[Frank makes a speech at the White House] "I want a world where Frank Junior and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter. I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick! I want a world where the democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for! I may not get there with you, but most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman, whom I love!"
[President George Bush speaks] "Frank, please consider filling a post I'm creating. It may mean long hours and dangerous nights, surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society." [Frank replies] "You want me to be in your cabinet?"
" Go ahead, threaten me like you have the American people for so long! You're part of a dying breed, Hapsburg, like people who can name all fifty states! The truth hurts, doesn't it, Hapsburg? Oh sure, maybe not as much as landing on a bicycle with the seat missing, but it hurts!"
"This is Frank Drebin, Police Squad. Throw down your guns, and come on out with your hands up. Or come on out, then throw down your guns, whichever way you wanna do it. Just remember the two key elements here: one, guns to be thrown down; two, come on out!"
Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult (1994)
"Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to stay on my toes."
"Mrs. Dillon, your son is a ruthless, cold-blooded, sadistic animal. You must be proud of him."
"[Frank speaks at the Academy Awards] Uh Raquel, so many go to bed hungry in this nation, yet cat food is full of tuna! I can't help but think each time I go to the zoo and see those porpoises, crammed into those tiny tanks, what a waste that is. Butcher half of them now! That's hundreds of pounds of dolphin meat that can be fed to our cats, freeing up that tuna for our nation's hungry...Uh, so many are cold, shivering in the night, so I say, butcher those cats, skin them! Use their fur to keep hundreds warm!"
"Look, baby. I am what I am, and I do what I do. A few guys make shoelaces, some lay sod, others make a very good living neutering animals. I'm a cop!"